So today's subject has got to be on bullying. I think I have talked to/about more people that have been bullied today than I have in like, the past two months. Why are people so mean? Why do we feel the need to criticize and ostracize those who may be a little different than the picture of "normal" that we have in our minds? Bullying, whether it's physical, mental, what have you, messes you up. I know, because I was bullied hardcore from like 4'th/5'th grade even into high school. And it was for the DUMBEST reasons! I wasn't super skinny. My hair was brown instead of blonde. I didn't have highlights in my hair, I wore glasses. My nose was bigger than they would have liked. I read books. I didn't wear Aeropostale, Hollister, or Abercrombie and Fitch. I looked a little funny (because, you know, I was TOTALLY the only one who looked funny when they were in the in-between stage which exists between your childhood years and your teenage years). There were girls who would get up really close to my face and laugh with delight over the fact that "I had a mustache and a uni-brow". I would get made fun of for my weight, my face. Pretty much everything. And although bullying makes me really mad, I've gotten over what happened to me almost 100%. I don't beat myself up over the fact that my hair is brown, or that I wear glasses. Who cares about stuff like that? And really, who wears those kinds of clothing brands now except for the same kinds of 12 year old girls? But there are things that I do struggle with all the time, and I know that it's a direct result of bullying. Not a day goes by that I'm not aware of the food I eat, or what my body looks like. There are days when I could totally stay in my house because I feel hideous. I feel like, whenever I meet new people that they are thinking the same kind of thoughts that so many of my peers growing up thought about me. While I know that my self-esteem and bodily image are my thoughts and that I can't blame other people for what I believe about myself, there is much to be said about what people are saying to you growing up that has a huge impact on who you become and what you think about yourself. It had such an impact on me that I felt the need to physically harm myself because of such a low self-esteem for about a year. (Now, if anyone even reads this, don't worry! I don't have any of those feelings or desire to do anything like THAT now! I'm not ashamed to talk about that time in my life, and I often feel as though God can use it to connect with other girls or guys who have felt the same way.)While my actions were totally mine, I can't help but believe completely that I would not have done that if terrible things weren't being said to/about me.
But I've grown up, and I can see a lot of the reasons behind bullying. Middle and high school aged kids feel the need to belong. I did. So whoever doesn't belong is automatically outed. A lot of those kids who were bullying me were also most likely getting put down themselves, whether it was at school or at home. There is a saying that goes "hurting people hurt people" which I believe. There was something in these kids who were so mean to me that was hurting. I couldn't see that at the time, but now I do. A lot of those kids came from broken homes. I was scared of them then, but looking back now I feel sorry for them. They tried to make me hurt, and for a while they succeeded. But I'm sure that in the long run it's them that are the hurting ones, even today.
Bullying doesn't stop when you hit adulthood, either. I know adults who are mean. They're just mean in a less "in your face" way most of the time. They're sneaky. They can say one thing and mean another. They can make comments that are dripping with venom but are said in a sweet-as-honey way. We girls are especially good at this. It's like, we specialize in being mean and tearing others down. And I'm not exempt from this! I struggle with this all the time! I've found that I'm capable of ripping someone's self-esteem and self-worth to shreds with only a few sentences. I can be the world's biggest hypocrite. But I have been growing closer to God, and I feel the "old me" becoming less and less and I feel more and more like I'm being molded and shaped into someone else. Thank God. Seriously.
Okay, end rant (rant being a very appropriate term because that's really all this post was). There's not one single thing that pertains to my Thailand trip but I don't care. I needed to get it off my chest! But for real, don't be mean people. Who cares of someone dresses different than you? Who cares if someone looks different than you? Who cares if your preferences don't match up? None of that matters in the long run! What matters is that you love them! What matters is that, as believers and followers of Christ we exemplify God's love to everyone we meet. Everyone.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
"But Ma, Everybody's Doing It!"
It seems like everywhere I look people are starting new blogs! I kind of want to blame Pinterest for that, you know? We can log into a site that takes us to literally thousands of blogs ranging from how to get the perfect side-swept bangs to making your own mosquito repellant out of an old milk carton. And they're so cute! I want to be a cute Pinterest-y blogger with comfy sweaters and big scarves, sitting next to a roaring fire listening to Etta James on my record player, sipping tea and pounding out an intellectually stimulating recap of my day/week. But as comforting as that image is, that's not really the reason I decided to re-start my blog. So I digress!
I love communication. LOVE it. But words can be really hard for me because a lot of the time I have difficulty putting my emotions, feelings, and thoughts into proper words. I think that's why I got into music during middle/high school. You can emphasize how you're feeling just by changing up how forcefully you play. I also think that's why I am ridiculously in love with Florence + the Machine. I feel as though her voice and emotions are what makes her music so fantastic. Her lyrics are great, but it's her inflections that really get you. Anyways! The reason I started up my blog was two-fold, with the first part being that I simply enjoy communication and writing. I'd like to get better at it, and practice apparently makes perfect, so..
The second was that I'm going to Thailand in like 10 days! So this will be a chance for me to get my thoughts and emotions down or else they'll slip past and I'll lose them. While there my team and I will be doing things like working with college students who are learning ESL (English as a second language), orphanage work, prayer walks. That sort of thing. It's going to be amazing and I'm more than confidant that God is going to do things in me (and the team) that will change me (again, and the team) and my views of God, the world, people, etc etc etc. So maybe this blog will be a chance for me to allow whoever feels like reading these updates to get a glimpse at who I really am, and how I think. I'm not super open about my own personal feelings all the time (well, at least not to people outside of my immediate family), so it'll be nice to allow people to see me for me, you know? Right?
RIGHT!
So yeah. I don't know how it's going to go yet, but I'm going to try to do it. I mean, everyone else seems to be able to do it! At least I'll get an A for effort. :)
I love communication. LOVE it. But words can be really hard for me because a lot of the time I have difficulty putting my emotions, feelings, and thoughts into proper words. I think that's why I got into music during middle/high school. You can emphasize how you're feeling just by changing up how forcefully you play. I also think that's why I am ridiculously in love with Florence + the Machine. I feel as though her voice and emotions are what makes her music so fantastic. Her lyrics are great, but it's her inflections that really get you. Anyways! The reason I started up my blog was two-fold, with the first part being that I simply enjoy communication and writing. I'd like to get better at it, and practice apparently makes perfect, so..
The second was that I'm going to Thailand in like 10 days! So this will be a chance for me to get my thoughts and emotions down or else they'll slip past and I'll lose them. While there my team and I will be doing things like working with college students who are learning ESL (English as a second language), orphanage work, prayer walks. That sort of thing. It's going to be amazing and I'm more than confidant that God is going to do things in me (and the team) that will change me (again, and the team) and my views of God, the world, people, etc etc etc. So maybe this blog will be a chance for me to allow whoever feels like reading these updates to get a glimpse at who I really am, and how I think. I'm not super open about my own personal feelings all the time (well, at least not to people outside of my immediate family), so it'll be nice to allow people to see me for me, you know? Right?
RIGHT!
So yeah. I don't know how it's going to go yet, but I'm going to try to do it. I mean, everyone else seems to be able to do it! At least I'll get an A for effort. :)
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