Be Peculiar

*Disclaimer-this is a difficult topic for me to write about because I dislike blanket statements. Also the Church in this post is referring to the Church in America AKA people who claim to be followers of Jesus who live in the United States of America*

There's a book that I am reading for my Christian Perspectives class called "Respectable Sins". In this book the author talks about how we as church-goers excel in decrying the "Big Sins"-such as violence, abortion, and adultery- while conveniently overlooking the more deceptive sins like gossip, selfishness, and jealousy. I am really enjoying this book because 1) it's well written and 2) I don't feel as though this topic gets much attention. I'm sure many of us know of churches that house that one woman who is pretty good at offering up gossip in the form of prayer requests, or perhaps the youth-groupers who don't do anything major except the occasional lying to the parents after a hard night of partying.

Now, please don't think that I'm trying to bash the Church because I'm not. I love the Church, and anyone who's experienced the true power and love of the Church would most likely agree with me. What I am trying to say is that we as Christians are so good at picking and choosing the sins to fight against while not even glancing at the "smaller sins" that are infecting our own lives. Just like how our own culture has been affected by sin, the Church is in danger of being brought down by it too. We're either really against it (like some well-known churches who picket funerals with "God Hates Fags" signs) or we aren't addressing it at all. I think the Church and our surrounding culture is in danger of forgetting two things.

1. Just because we go against what culture says is okay doesn't mean that we hate people who agree with the culture.

(lookin' at you, WBC)

We're called to be lights in the dark, shining out the truth to whoever it is we come across. It's hard to do that with closed doors and picket signs. We often forget that we are just as sinful as the people around is. One of my all-time favorite authors and speakers, Louie Giglio, said once, "sin did not make us bad, sin made us dead. When Christ came, the dead came to life." We are brought to life by Christ, but not everyone around us is. We need to remember that.

2. We were called to be a "peculiar people" (1 Peter 2:9) Peculiar doesn't just mean “strange” but also “chosen, selected, and unique.” The Bible calls Christians peculiar in Titus 2:14 and in 1 Peter 2:9. So we're not even supposed to be like other people to begin with. So we shouldn't be so quick to hide from differing with other people because we weren't supposed to in the first place. Don't be mean to others, but remember that we are not meant to be like the world.

So, to recap: We as the Church are pretty good at focusing on "Big Sins" and failing to notice/acknowledge our own private sins. We just let those slip by us. We are in the same boat, sinfully, as the people whose sins we are attacking. The only thing separating us from others is Jesus. We are to be in the culture but that doesn't mean we are OF the culture. Don't be mean to those who are, but don't be afraid to disagree. Secondly, we are to be peculiar and not like the people around us. Maybe not "wait in line for days for an Iphone" peculiar (see below for a video of that!), but peculiar nonetheless. 

Let's be peculiar. Let's not brush our own sins under the rug.

A is for Anxiety

Last week I had the opportunity to visit my sister for a couple of days, which was nice because it gave me a chance to get away from the demands of college life for awhile. For the benefit of whoever is reading this and doesn't know, my sister has a 6 year old daughter who just started first grade. Gwen was/is, like most every child her age, excited to start school and be with her friends and eat school lunches and just generally be like the big kids she's seen for all of her life. Well, I think it's safe to say that Gwen had a rough start to her school career. On the second to last day of her very first week she ended up getting on the wrong bus to go home. I guess sometime during her ride she realized this and began to cry, which merited her the wrath of a group of little boys who made fun of her because she was "crying like a baby." It took about an hour to figure the whole thing out and get her to her bus stop, where my sister was waiting and anxious to meet her. As soon as the poor girl laid eyes on my sister she once again burst into tears which took a good two hours to get her to calm down from her experience (which, to be fair, would have shaken most anyone let alone a 6 year old in her first week of school), all the while lamenting that she had been terrified of not seeing my sister again and being lost forever. While my niece is OK now and the problem has been sorted out, I still find myself thinking about that event and anxiety in general.

Philippians 4:6 gives us specific instructions to " not be anxious about anything." Peter tells us to "Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." (I Peter 5:7) Now, please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that Gwen was wrong for being afraid. She is a small child in a new situation, she had every right to be fearful and anxious about the outcome of the situation. But I think about how often I am anxious about things that I should be totally trusting into God's care (my future, my relationships, my job, school, etc.) The kind of anxiety that I, and I would say we all, allow ourselves to entertain is not OK because it's basically us saying to God "I honestly don't think that you are capable of taking care of this. I don't even think that you truly care about me because if you did you'd fix it right now etc etc etc." I get so anxious and fearful about the most idiotic things to the point that I have made myself physically sick from it! But what I am doing when I allow myself to get to that point is refusing to believe that the God of the universe can care for me.

I wish that this was some sort of thing that I could give a wise answer that would inspire whoever is reading this to rethink how they react to events. But I fight with this sin constantly often. But what I know now in my story are three things:

1) Usually when I allow myself to be overcome with anxiety it's because I'm not spending enough time reading my Bible. There is a definite correlation between my time not spent reading my Bible and the countless times I worry myself sick (sometimes literally).
2) Anxiety is sin because it is both a distrust of God and a lack of accepting that God will take care of us. When I'm freaking out over something out of my control, it's just me pulling away from God because my small little mind just cannot accept that He is in control when I am not (which I am never in control but that's another topic for another day).
3) There are times when it's going to take our all to believe that God is still in control. Our problems look to us to overshadow God. It's during those times that we should be like the man with the demon-possessed boy, who says "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

There's a difference between just unbelief and the struggle to believe even when life is telling you otherwise. We should be looking to give God the glory even if we have the weakest faith of anyone out there at the moment. I'm still learning how to do that.

If you are curious to read more on anxiety, I advise:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/may/how-god-can-use-your-anxiety-for-good.html?paging=off

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2011/09/07/are-babies-born-anxious-or-is-anxiety-thrust-upon-them/

UGH

So today's subject has got to be on bullying. I think I have talked to/about more people that have been bullied today than I have in like, the past two months. Why are people so mean? Why do we feel the need to criticize and ostracize those who may be a little different than the picture of "normal" that we have in our minds? Bullying, whether it's physical, mental, what have you, messes you up. I know, because I was bullied hardcore from like 4'th/5'th grade even into high school. And it was for the DUMBEST reasons! I wasn't super skinny. My hair was brown instead of blonde. I didn't have highlights in my hair, I wore glasses. My nose was bigger than they would have liked. I read books. I didn't wear Aeropostale, Hollister, or Abercrombie and Fitch. I looked a little funny (because, you know, I was TOTALLY the only one who looked funny when they were in the in-between stage which exists between your childhood years and your teenage years). There were girls who would get up really close to my face and laugh with delight over the fact that "I had a mustache and a uni-brow". I would get made fun of for my weight, my face. Pretty much everything. And although bullying makes me really mad, I've gotten over what happened to me almost 100%. I don't beat myself up over the fact that my hair is brown, or that I wear glasses. Who cares about stuff like that? And really, who wears those kinds of clothing brands now except for the same kinds of 12 year old girls? But there are things that I do struggle with all the time, and I know that it's a direct result of bullying. Not a day goes by that I'm not aware of the food I eat, or what my body looks like. There are days when I could totally stay in my house because I feel hideous. I feel like, whenever I meet new people that they are thinking the same kind of thoughts that so many of my peers growing up thought about me. While I know that my self-esteem and bodily image are my thoughts and that I can't blame other people for what I believe about myself, there is much to be said about what people are saying to you growing up that has a huge impact on who you become and what you think about yourself. It had such an impact on me that I felt the need to physically harm myself because of such a low self-esteem for about a year. (Now, if anyone even reads this, don't worry! I don't have any of those feelings or desire to do anything like THAT now! I'm not ashamed to talk about that time in my life, and I often feel as though God can use it to connect with other girls or guys who have felt the same way.)While my actions were totally mine, I can't help but believe completely that I would not have done that if terrible things weren't being said to/about me.

But I've grown up, and I can see a lot of the reasons behind bullying. Middle and high school aged kids feel the need to belong. I did. So whoever doesn't belong is automatically outed. A lot of those kids who were bullying me were also most likely getting put down themselves, whether it was at school or at home. There is a saying that goes "hurting people hurt people" which I believe. There was something in these kids who were so mean to me that was hurting. I couldn't see that at the time, but now I do. A lot of those kids came from broken homes. I was scared of them then, but looking back now I feel sorry for them. They tried to make me hurt, and for a while they succeeded. But I'm sure that in the long run it's them that are the hurting ones, even today.

Bullying doesn't stop when you hit adulthood, either. I know adults who are mean. They're just mean in a less "in your face" way most of the time. They're sneaky. They can say one thing and mean another. They can make comments that are dripping with venom but are said in a sweet-as-honey way. We girls are especially good at this. It's like, we specialize in being mean and tearing others down. And I'm not exempt from this! I struggle with this all the time! I've found that I'm capable of ripping someone's self-esteem and self-worth to shreds with only a few sentences. I can be the world's biggest hypocrite. But I have been growing closer to God, and I feel the "old me" becoming less and less and I feel more and more like I'm being molded and shaped into someone else. Thank God. Seriously.

Okay, end rant (rant being a very appropriate term because that's really all this post was). There's not one single thing that pertains to my Thailand trip but I don't care. I needed to get it off my chest! But for real, don't be mean people. Who cares of someone dresses different than you? Who cares if someone looks different than you? Who cares if your preferences don't match up? None of that matters in the long run! What matters is that you love them! What matters is that, as believers and followers of Christ we exemplify God's love to everyone we meet. Everyone.

"But Ma, Everybody's Doing It!"

It seems like everywhere I look people are starting new blogs! I kind of want to blame Pinterest for that, you know? We can log into a site that takes us to literally thousands of blogs ranging from how to get the perfect side-swept bangs to making your own mosquito repellant out of an old milk carton. And they're so cute! I want to be a cute Pinterest-y blogger with comfy sweaters and big scarves, sitting next to a roaring fire listening to Etta James on my record player, sipping tea and pounding out an intellectually stimulating recap of my day/week. But as comforting as that image is, that's not really the reason I decided to re-start my blog. So I digress!

I love communication. LOVE it. But words can be really hard for me because a lot of the time I have difficulty putting my emotions, feelings, and thoughts into proper words. I think that's why I got into music during middle/high school. You can emphasize how you're feeling just by changing up how forcefully you play. I also think that's why I am ridiculously in love with Florence + the Machine. I feel as though her voice and emotions are what makes her music so fantastic. Her lyrics are great, but it's her inflections that really get you. Anyways! The reason I started up my blog was two-fold, with the first part being that I simply enjoy communication and writing. I'd like to get better at it, and practice apparently makes perfect, so..

The second was that I'm going to Thailand in like 10 days! So this will be a chance for me to get my thoughts and emotions down or else they'll slip past and I'll lose them. While there my team and I will be doing things like working with college students who are learning ESL (English as a second language), orphanage work, prayer walks. That sort of thing. It's going to be amazing and I'm more than confidant that God is going to do things in me (and the team) that will change me (again, and the team) and my views of God, the world, people, etc etc etc. So maybe this blog will be a chance for me to allow whoever feels like reading these updates to get a glimpse at who I really am, and how I think. I'm not super open about my own personal feelings all the time (well, at least not to people outside of my immediate family), so it'll be nice to allow people to see me for me, you know? Right?

RIGHT!

So yeah. I don't know how it's going to go yet, but I'm going to try to do it. I mean, everyone else seems to be able to do it! At least I'll get an A for effort. :)

Wait? You raise your hands when you sing in church?

At my church, we don't raise our hands during the worship time Sunday mornings. No one's ever written it down as a rule, and I really don't think that anyone would keel over if someone were to raise their hands. But we just don't. Yet there are churches not even ten minutes away from our church that do raise their hands when they worship. We use an organ and piano, while other churches use guitars and drums, the works. So who's right? Or, maybe a better question, who's wrong?

Well, I'm still reading through the Bible so I don't know everything that's in there, but I can say with a lot of confidence that there isn't a "thou shalt not worship with a worship band" or "thou shalt only use hymnals and organs" verse. You can look for it, but I'm pretty sure you're not going to find it. With this lack of solid answers on this particular situation, there are a lot of conflicts in churches about what way is the right way to worship? Should we be worried about whether or not the newer worship times are just an emotional energy drink, giving us enough of a jolt to last through the service until next week? Is the old way of worshiping the "meat and potatoes" kind of worship, and the newer rock and roll type the McDonalds of the Christian world? Are the old timer's just being obstinate and stubborn?
I would agree with the older generation (let's face it, that's pretty much the majority of the population that wants to keep worship as a time for hymnals and organs) when they say that it's easy to get caught up in emotions and rock star attitude that can come from being in front of a lively and electric audience. But it's also very easy to stay away from that with the mindset that there's only one way to worship: mine. If I worship with hymnals and it works for me and my whole heart is in it, then it ought to work for everyone and if they don't like it then they're going against the will of God, because we've been doing that our whole lives so it's GOT to be the only way. It can also get to the point where we have no answer except to say "well, that's the way it's always been done, so we're going to keep it this way." While I have much respect for traditions, there needs to come a time where we are willing to branch out perhaps.

I think that these conflicting questions and thoughts can be solved with yet another question: What is the motive behind the worship? Am I truly worshipping God with my hands in the air, eyes closed? Or am I perhaps caught up in the hype, letting my emotions drive me. And emotions change all the time; we can't trust them. We need to remember that it's not the worship style that we're using, rather what's in our hearts as we worship. We also need to remember that the people who worship God differently than us aren't necessarily wrong. (Oh, and please misunderstand. I'm not saying that all people who worship something are worshiping God, or that all roads lead to God so take whichever one you like. Jesus is the only one that can save us. No exceptions!)

I know that next time I'm in church or chapel, I will be thinking about my motives behind what I'm doing. If I raise my hands, am I raising them as if I am a sacrifice for the Lord, or am I raising them because I see others doing it and it fits with the music? It's easy to get hyper over something as trivial as worship.